Hedonistic vs. Eudaimonic Love: Which One Lasts?

When we think of love, we often imagine the thrill of butterflies, romantic gestures, and the intoxicating rush of being desired. These moments of passion can feel magical, but they are fleeting by nature. Over time, these initial highs fade, and many people begin to question whether the love itself was real.

The truth is, there are two kinds of love—one that fades quickly and one that stands the test of time. In my upcoming eBook, Love That Lasts: From Illusion to Inner Truth, I refer to them as hedonistic love and eudaimonic love. Understanding the difference between the two is the key to creating relationships that endure and deepen with purpose.

What is Hedonistic Love?

Hedonistic love is driven by pleasure and emotional highs. It’s the spark of passion, the rush of romance, and the delight of having your desires met. These moments feel thrilling and can be an important part of a relationship, but they are conditional. When the pleasure fades or challenges arise, this type of love often feels like it’s slipping away.

Psychologically, hedonistic love aligns with the pursuit of happiness based on external rewards or validation. According to research on hedonic well-being, this kind of happiness tends to be short-lived because it depends on circumstances aligning with our desires (Kahneman et al., 1997).¹

What is Eudaimonic Love?

Eudaimonic love, on the other hand, is rooted in purpose, meaning, and growth. It’s the love that asks:

• Why are we together?

• What are we building or learning as partners?

• How are we helping each other grow and fulfill our purpose?

This type of love endures because it isn’t based solely on how we feel in the moment but on the shared mission and evolution of both partners. Even when emotions fluctuate, the foundation remains solid because the relationship is anchored in something bigger than temporary pleasure.

Research by Huta and Ryan (2010)² shows that eudaimonic well-being leads to greater long-term satisfaction and resilience compared to hedonic pursuits. Similarly, eudaimonic love thrives through shared purpose, emotional growth, and the ability to navigate challenges together.

How to Cultivate Eudaimonic Love

1. Focus on Growth, Not Just Comfort

   Ask how your relationship helps you evolve—not just feel good. Love grows stronger when both partners challenge each other to heal, learn, and grow.

   
   

2. Build a Shared Mission

   Whether it’s raising a family, creating a business, or contributing to the community, having a common purpose deepens connection and unity.

   
   

3. Savor Everyday Love

   Rather than relying on romantic highs, practice noticing and appreciating the small, quiet moments of connection. Savoring strengthens the bond and can remind you that love is always present (Smith & Hollinger-Smith, 2015).³

   
   

Which Love Lasts?

While hedonistic love has its place in creating excitement and attraction, it’s eudaimonic love that endures. This deeper form of love is not just about fleeting emotion; it’s about being guided by grace, savoring the infinite, and creating something meaningful together.

When you shift from chasing pleasure to building purpose, you stop asking, “Is the spark still there?” and start asking, “How can we grow together?” That’s when love truly lasts.

Learn the Full Lesson in Love That Lasts

In my ebook, Love That Lasts: From Illusion to Inner Truth, I dive deeper into how these two forms of love shape our connections—and how you can cultivate eudaimonic love that transforms both your heart and your life.

The ebook is coming soon! Keep your eyes open for the release by joining my newsletter, and be the first to know when it is available by signing up for my newsletter: https://avitalmiller.mykajabi.com/newsletter-sign-up.

Notes

¹ Kahneman, D., Diener, E., & Schwarz, N. (Eds.). (1997). Well-being: The foundations of hedonic psychology. Russell Sage Foundation.

² Huta, V., & Ryan, R. M. (2010). Pursuing pleasure or virtue: The differential and overlapping well-being benefits of hedonic and eudaimonic motives. Journal of Happiness Studies, 11(6), 735–762. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-009-9171-4

³ Smith, J., & Hollinger-Smith, L. (2015). Savoring, resilience, and psychological well-being: The role of positive emotions. Aging & Mental Health, 19(2), 192–200. https://doi.org/10.1080/13607863.2014.986647