Three Magic Words to Reduce Conflict


Three magical words that can help reduce conflicts with others and within yourself:

"I don't understand."

One of the challenges that can both bog us down and create separation between people is a need for understanding and proving our understanding. A youtube video from Matt Kahn turned me onto the idea of letting go of the need to understand everything. I have experimented with the idea for the last couple weeks, and here are three results I noticed:

  1. When I tried to understand I felt more deeply embedded into the karma of the situation. Letting go of trying to assess created a great sense of relaxation and freedom inside. I still wanted to make sure I learned the lessons I needed to, so I set the intention to be granted the wisdom and make the changes happen within me that are needed to grow.

  2. It also helped me move on from a space of processing to a space of creation. Matt Kahn said he does not even have any memory of the past except what comes by intuition of the moment. I believe my spiritual guide, Swami Kriyananda, lived in the same way. That allows space to gain new, wiser, and more messages.

3. As I was setting up plates for lunch at The Expanding Light Retreat a couple weeks ago I noticed my mind caught in thoughts that were not making me feel good. Swami Kriyananda said thoughts are like objects. I believe that is why our life manifests in alignment with the thoughts in our head. Having both the desire to manifest things that feel good and to follow the highest guidance, I remembered to clear the thoughts away. Instead I asked with surrender, “God what do you want to tell me? How can I focus more on my task at hand?” As soon as I asked the question a friend approached me stating he needs to introduce me to his mother who just moved to Portland because she helps people start spirituality based businesses. I nearly wanted to cry with the joy of feeling a divine presence telling me what can happen if I clear and open myself.

The great yoga guru Paramhansa Yogananda used to enjoy going to movies with his disciples. Just as they got caught up in the movie he would point to the little window where the projector light was coming through to remind them it was just a made up story just as our lives are. Swami Kriyananda warned us not to trust what anyone says, including our own selves. Much of the understanding we have is likely a story we created to support our visions in the moment. Since each of our paths are individual, our understandings will be slightly different. While there is one dot at the center of a circle, there are many lines to get there. Sometimes when we get caught in proving our line is the only right way, we can forget what we always have in common; love. In conversations the last couple weeks, instead of trying to evaluate the truth of what someone else was saying, I tried to focus on sending them love. As a result, the interaction felt more peaceful and connected. What does it matter anyways if what someone else says is true or not? If they believe this belief is helping them, research shows it does.

Now I invite you to experiment with letting go of needing to understand and admit you may not understand. Then let the wisdom of the quiet calm intuitive voice release pain from within you and guide you on your next steps. Please let me know how this exploration goes if you choose to take part.

Here is the video I mentioned where Matt Kahn talks about understanding and love:


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